Child of Mine
by Sandylee007
Summary: The loss of their unborn baby tore Tony and Pepper apart before 'The Age of Ultron', in more ways than one. This is a story of how they recovered from the tragedy, both on their own and eventually as a couple. A lot of tears and pain line the path towards a happier future.            PEPPERONY              SIX OR SEVEN CHAPTERS
1. From Hello to Goodbye

A/N: SOOOOOO... It's been a long week for me. And that long week, gave me the push to create this sad little story. NOT TO WORRY, THOUGH! There's a happy ending waiting for us. Eventually…

Ove the course of this story we'll sail from the time before 'Age of Ultron', through the turmoil of 'Civil War' and, eventually, to the end of 'Homecoming'. Because it's been driving me crazy, wondering what happened to make Tony and Pepper break up! (chuckles) So, this is my interpretation. This idea was first introduced in my 'SOS' collection, but this is an entirely independent story.

DISCLAIMER: ME, OWN?! MU-AH-HAH-HAA! Seeing my bank-account's status is believing. Me own NOTHING but a bunch of DVDs.

WARNINGS: Miscarriage, mentions and description of alcoholism, adult themes, language (sorry, Steve…!)… (Hey, coming from me, that's a short list!)

Awkay, before I chicken out… Let's go! I REALLY HOPE that you'll enjoy the ride.

* * *

 ** _Child of Mine_**

* * *

From Hello to Goodbye

* * *

In full honesty, Tony Stark never really saw himself as a dad. How could he, when he was basically an overgrown child himself? He enjoyed spending time with kids, but the thought of having his own terrified him almost more than anything else in the world. And somehow, idiotic as it was, he imagined that it simply wouldn't happen to him, ever.

Funny, really, how fate likes to twist things around sometimes.

Pepper had been nauseous all morning. And unlike some people imagined, Tony was capable of being a decent boyfriend from time to time. When he'd tried everything else imaginable he resulted to the most terrifying option. Herbal tea.

Tony winced and tried very hard not to gag. "'You sure this is safe to drink? Because I feel like getting a hazmat suit."

Well, at least he did something right. Because Pepper chuckled, curled up on a couch just within earshot. "It's tea, not a biological weapon."

"Could've fooled me." Tony frowned, stirring and checking the temperature. Why was he doing this when he didn't have any idea how to make proper tea? "You sure this… won't make you feel worse? You've already been ill for days…"

He had his back towards her, so he didn't see the look that passed by her face. Or the way she swallowed, like she was about to throw up again. "Look, I… I'm not sick. And… I'll probably keep puking for a while. Part of the fun, I guess." She'd been waiting for the perfect time to tell him. It was never going to get better than this, was it? "I'm pregnant."

Those words washed through Tony like a bucket of ice-water. He stared at the wall, everything spinning and swaying in his line of vision while his knees turned into rubber. Then, promptly and unceremoniously, he collapsed, hitting his head on the kitchen-counter along the way.

"TONY!"

* * *

Pepper thought she felt sick before. It was nothing on what she experienced as she sat outside one of the medical rooms, head buried into unsteady hands. Her stomach continued to twist upside down and back again.

"Hey." A large and calloused but gentle hand squeezed her shoulder. "It could've been worse."

Pepper snorted. It sounded more than a little hysterical, and far too tear-filled. _Stupid hormones…!_ "He passed out and almost cracked his skull." Yup, she definitely sounded hysterical. Marvelous… "How, exactly, could it have been _worse_?"

Clint Barton shrugged, unfazed by her emotional disarray. "He didn't throw up. Or run away screaming."

Pepper swallowed thickly and looked down. "You sure he won't still do that?" She trusted Tony, of course she did. Even when it was difficult. Even when a lot of people had been telling her that she was an idiot for doing so. But this… This was a _baby_ …!

"He won't." Clint sounded and seemed so sure that she felt like a fool for ever thinking otherwise. "Because he loves you. And he'll love the baby, too. As soon as he recovers from the concussion."

Pepper sat absolutely still. Desperate to ease her stomach, raging heart and screaming thoughts all at the same time. "Clint? Bucket."

He reacted with the speed expected of a seasoned field-agent, even held her hair. As soon as he had she puked more than there should've been in her stomach and winced. "Sorry. And… Thanks." For so much more than the bucket.

Clint shrugged. Like their current situation was the most normal one in the world. "Not the first time I've had someone vomiting in front of me."

Pepper didn't think she wanted him to elaborate, so she didn't ask.

All of a sudden she shivered when a hand grabbed hers to a loose but tender hold. She looked down, for some reason surprised that the touch belonged to Clint. He shrugged. "You looked like you needed that", he explained.

Pepper didn't thank him. Mainly because she didn't trust her voice to not crack. Instead she leaned her head against his shoulder and closed her eyes. "I hate Tuesdays", she muttered eventually, half-asleep.

"Me too."

* * *

"For a genius you're an idiot sometimes", were the first words Tony heard when he woke up.

Tony groaned and decided quickly against opening his eyes. "Trust me, I know", he whispered because anything louder might've made his skull actually explode. Five minutes, or maybe an hour, passed by before he pried one eye halfway open to find Clint sitting by his bed. "Pep tell you?"

"I… sort of figured it out." The archer sighed. "Look… You freaked out. A lot of people do at those news. And right now you've got two choices. You walk. Or you get over it and do better."

Tony groaned and rubbed his face too hard with both palms. "I'm gonna mess up that kid so badly…!"

"No, you won't." It was unbelievable how sure of the matter Clint sounded. "You'll screw up a lot of times. And trust me, there'll be times when you feel like the worst parent in the whole world. When you do, you've gotta remember one thing."

Tony's eyebrow bounced up. "And what might that be, Master Yoda?"

"That kid's incredibly lucky to have you. Because you're going to love him or her more than anything in the world. You wouldn't settle for anything less."

Tony did his best to digest those words and his friend's faith in him. And felt his stomach roll violently. "Bucket", he managed, seconds before it would've been too late.

In the middle of vomiting Tony could've sworn that he heard Clint mutter 'Not again'.

Once he was done and gratefully accepted the glass of cold water the archer offered, Tony faced his friend. He felt lighter, somehow, although the fear was still there. "Thanks, Budgie."

"Drop the name-calling until that bump on your head's gone away, Unicorn."

* * *

Tony was just about to escape the room he deemed a prison when he received another visitor. He tensed up when Pepper entered, tense and a little-red eyed. "Hey. Little bird sang that you're awake." She showed him a bag of frozen peas. "These should help with the melon swelling on your temple."

Tony accepted the offering gratefully. "Thanks." He shifted restlessly, wondering how to set his words. Because for once in his life he wanted to think before opening his mouth. "Pep, I'm sorry…"

She interrupted him with a kiss to the top of his nose.

Tony squirmed a little more, despite the comfort her gesture brought. "So… We're good? You're… okay?"

Pepper chuckled hysterically. "I'm terrified. And I… I have no idea where to start preparing for… this." She rubbed her still very much flat stomach affectionately. "But… I've got you to do this with me, right?"

It was Tony's turn to kiss her. "Yup. You've got me." When he wrapped an arm around her she practically melted against him. He closed his eyes and smiled, the crushing headache forgotten. "You've both got me."

* * *

Half an hour later Clint peered into the room and couldn't help smiling at what he saw. Tony and Pepper still sat on the bed, the billionaire grinning like a loon while holding her close. " _You good, now?_ " he mouthed when their eyes met.

Tony nodded lightly, without any hesitation, his grin widening still.

And everything felt deviously alright in the world. Well. If one ignored the concussion.

* * *

Later, once a doctor had cleared him to leave the medical wing, Tony lay on his bed with his favorite person in the world in his arms. And wondered what he'd ever done to get so lucky. And, no matter how much he hated the thought, how long it'd take before it'd all be torn away from him.

Trying to smother the dread swirling inside him, he made sure that Pepper was fast asleep before focusing on her abdomen. He even risked to reach out a hand and stroke affectionately. "Hey", he whispered barely audibly. "You probably can't even hear me yet, but… I'm your daddy. And… I'm sorry I sort off… crashed, when I heard about you. But… I'll do better from now on, I promise. You'll see. I'll do whatever I can to be the best daddy in the whole wide world. Because… You deserve nothing less." He swallowed thickly, feeling stupid, giddy and far too emotional at the same time. "So… Stay safe in there, okay? Because I'm scared as hell but… I can't wait to meet you." He winced. "Don't tell mommy I used a bad word, yeah?"

Tony knew that it was far too early, of course. But he could've sworn that he felt something brush his hand. The emotions it roused startled him. Because he was happy, and few things that made him happy lasted long.

Feeling desperate although he didn't know why Tony pulled Pepper closer. He found that he couldn't sleep. Not when it felt like he was holding a ticking time-bomb that might bring down his whole world at any given moment.

* * *

A couple of days later Pepper was sipping tea when Tony entered the room with a look that promised mischief in his eyes. She arched an eyebrow. "Should I be worried?"

"I know that it's too early to start planning a nursery or something. But… I wanted to do _something_. So… Ta-da!" With the final, over-dramatic syllables he revealed the most beautiful teddy-bear she'd ever seen. In a few seconds some uncertainty crept onto his face. "Do you… think the baby will like it?"

Maybe it was the hormones. Or perhaps she was going out of her mind. But Pepper had never loved Tony more than she did at that very moment. So, powerless against the desire, she made her way to him and kissed him, with all there was in her. "Yeah", she murmured once their lips parted. "The baby's definitely going to love it." She kissed him again, and instinctively sensed what he'd really wanted to ask. "And the baby's gonna love you, too. Even when he or she is a teenager and screams that they hate you."

"Sappy hormone-monster", Tony teased.

She kissed him again, and bit his lip lightly. "And Tony? I can hear your big brain whirring. And I see that wrinkle on your forehead." She pecked the mentioned spot. "Stop looking so scared. Everything's going to work out. And you're already a million times better of a dad than yours was."

It was Tony's turn to kiss her, which quickly led to some very adult activities.

* * *

A little over a week later Tony squeezed Pepper's hand with all his might as a device continued to glide on her gel-covered belly. Tony didn't think his heart had ever performed the kind of a dance it did just then, and his foot refused to stop tapping restlessly. His mouth felt unnaturally dry.

The bad feeling hammering in the back of his skull…

Eventually the examining woman's frowns and silence got too much for him. Pepper's hand was also turning cold and clammy in his. "So?" he urged with every bit as little patience as he had. "What's going on in there?" Was something wrong with the baby?

Eventually the doctor, a tiny woman in her late fifties, sighed heavily. Her shoulders slumped with defeat. "I'm truly sorry that I have to deliver such bad news. But, with this level of deformation…" The woman shook her head, her eyes full of grief. "I'm sorry."

And just like that, with three simple words, Tony's world came tumbling down.

Pepper's whisper-light words barely carried to Tony's ears. "What… What do you mean, deformation?" There was a heartbreaking amount of pain and sheer terror in her wide, moist eyes. "Did I… do something wrong? I mean, to cause it?"

The doctor's lips opened but Tony was faster. "No." NO, to all this. He squeezed her hand so hard that it had to hurt but she held back even more tightly. He wished he could've hugged her, carried her away from _this_. "You didn't do anything wrong. And… It's just… deformation. So… We'll have a special-needs kid." He nodded, sliding happily further and further into the ocean of denial. "We can manage that, right? It's still our kid. Just… special."

The doctor, whom Tony was truly starting to despise despite no fault of her own, watched with grief and pity in her eyes. "Mr. Stark, Miss Potts… I truly am sorry. But, as I was about to explain, with that level of deformation… The quality of the child's life would be beyond poor. And… It's highly unlikely that the pregnancy would even continue to the term." She sighed. "I wish I had much better news."

Tony, in turn, wished he had the breath to hiss that so did he. But he could barely breathe. The feeling of sinking, drowning… It was vivid and horrible. Tears were sliding down his cheeks before he had the chance to sense them coming, big and heavy.

Pepper didn't cry or whimper. She just lay there with a horribly painful look of defeat on her suddenly unhealthily pale face. And it occurred to Tony that he was about to lose a piece of her, too.

* * *

The doctor wanted to talk about… options. Tony didn't want to hear her utter another word, so he helped Pepper up from the bed and walked her to their bedroom, his arm wrapped protectively around her like that could've stopped their world from falling apart. He felt desperate to talk, to try and find _anything_ that might've fixed _this_. A miracle-cure, a treatment, something. He needed someone to tell him that everything was going to be okay.

Pepper didn't make a sound. Not when she slid into their bed, facing the wall and her back turned against the whole world that let her and her baby down. For two full days she didn't utter a sound, or move from her position if it wasn't for a visit to the bathroom. She didn't cry, either, not even once. No emotion apart from _agony_ could be read from the face she'd turned away from everything.

Tony had no idea how to help her, and that was more painful than anything else. He just lay there, doing his best to keep his sobs soundless and too afraid of somehow hurting her more to touch her, and wished he could've been _enough_. For her, and for their child. When he slept he had nightmares of a baby being torn from his arms, so he slept as little as he could, instead spent time with various experiments. For the first time ever those weren't enough of a distraction.

And then, on the morning when the winter's first snow fell, he woke up to the sound of Pepper screaming.

Getting to his feet far faster than he should've, Tony dashed into the bathroom. Pepper stood there, staring in horror at the blood meandering down her thighs. And there, with the kind of certainty that crushed his heart, Tony knew.

Whatever _choice_ they had to make before… It was just made for them. Their baby was gone.

Tony fought to keep himself together. But nonetheless his eyes overflowed while he wrapped his arms around Pepper and held her, with everything there was in him. But no matter how tightly he embraced her, it still felt like she was slipping away.

It was the beginning of the end.

* * *

TBC

* * *

A/N: Oh man… Those poor things! (whimpers) SO. This is where we begin. What happens next after this tragedy? And how will this tale end?

AND, most importantly…! ARE YOU GUYS WILLING TO READ MORE, or should this story be terminated with no evidence left of its existence? PLEASE, do let me know – I love hearing from you!

In any case THANK YOU SO MUCH for reading!

Awkay, it's a busy day so I've gotta get moving. Who knows. Maybe I'll see ya guys again?

Take care!


	2. I'm (Not) Alright

A/N: I'm SO SORRY that it took me some time to update! I've been traveling, and the time before AND after that has been hectic. BUUUUUT, the good news is, I'M BACK ON FULL UPDATING TRACK! Which means that the updates will be regular from here on out. Yay?

Before finally getting to the actual chapter, though… THANK YOU, from the bottom of my heart, for your reviews, listings and support! It means A LOT that so many of you want to join this emotional ride. (HUGS)

Awkay, before I get all sappy… Let's go! I REALLY HOPE that this turns out worth the wait.

* * *

I'm (Not) Alright

* * *

Tony honestly imagined that losing the baby was bad enough. But apparently fate wasn't done with him and Pepper yet. Because in a couple of hours it became apparent that Pepper's bleeding wasn't going to stop. In the end Tony had to carry her to one of the Tower's medical rooms. By the time he lay her down and got ordered out of the room she was unconscious. And for a terrifying while he didn't know if he'd lose her, too.

Tony wanted to be alone. But he also knew that he couldn't be, not in his current state of mind. So he texted the only person who'd known about the baby. It seemed to take ages before a silent but comforting figure sat beside him. "Any news yet?" Clint asked quietly.

Tony shook his head. "I guess they're, ah… making sure that… _it_ is over." He buried his face to his hands, desperate to maintain whatever little self-control he had. "Please, just… Just don't make me talk. Because… If I talk… I'll start screaming, and… If I start screaming… I'm not sure I could stop."

Clint consented with a nod. "No talking. But, when you start to feel like talking…" The archer's jawline tightened for a couple of seconds. "I'm here. Because… I know what you're going through right now."

Tony frowned. He hoped that his voice didn't come out as sharp as he feared. "How would you know what I'm going through?"

The way Clint tensed up made him regret that he ever asked. Before any more questions could be made the Hawk nodded towards something in the hallway. "I think that's a story for some other time."

With more than a little dread Tony looked towards the gestured direction. Something inside him jolted painfully when he saw the same doctor who once delivered the bad news. She seemed far more exhausted now. He felt like he was sleepwalking as he approached her. "Well?"

"We managed to get the bleeding under control. She should be waking up right now." The doctor gestured towards the room next to them. "Why don't we go inside?"

Tony nodded eagerly. The need to see Pepper… He felt it physically.

Although Pepper's back was turned towards him he could tell that she was awake. The doctor didn't seem to notice as much. "There was a rather large amount of blood-loss. But… She should recover fully in a few days."

"So…" Tony took a deep breath. "She'll be okay?" He focused on the physical side, because thinking about anything else…

The doctor nodded. "She's young and healthy. As far as the tests done so far can tell there was no permanent damage. Given time… I see no reason why you wouldn't be able to… try again."

"I don't want to try again. Ever." Pepper's voice was quiet and feeble, but he could tell that she meant what she said. "I'm never going through this again."

The doctor gave him a look of well-meaning sympathy. "Don't worry. I'm sure she didn't…"

The limit of Tony's patience was met with those words. "Could you give us some privacy?" _Before I punch you in the face?_

He didn't look to see the doctor leave. Instead he made his way to Pepper and discovered that the long, excruciating day had finally knocked her out. It was also highly likely that she'd been medicated to help her calm down. She was fast asleep.

Feeling like a lost little child in need of comfort, Tony crawled to the bed. Careful not to disturb her much-needed rest he wrapped an arm around her and held on as tightly as he could. Because she needed him. And because holding her was the only thing that kept him from grabbing a bottle and drinking until he couldn't feel anything anymore.

* * *

Pepper wasn't sure when she fell asleep. The last thing she remembered of the events before that was intense, horribly painful cramping, and bleeding. She didn't even really want to remember further. Her baby was gone. What did anything else matter, anyway?

She turned, realizing only vaguely that she was in one of the Tower's medical rooms rather than in her own bed, and curled up as tightly as she could. Her eyelids felt incredibly heavy. Maybe going back to sleep wasn't a bad idea.

She didn't notice that she wasn't alone until her companion spoke. "Tony's in one of the labs. Bruce is keeping an eye on him to make sure that he doesn't blow up anything." Clint didn't sound pitying. That was a tiny relief. "Tea?"

Pepper shook her head. No. She didn't want anything if it wasn't her baby.

"Okay." Nothing more. There were no useless 'I'm sorries', because those words would've done no good and of course she knew that he was, even in her current state of mind.

There was nothing Clint could do for her. He just was. She fell asleep to the feel that although there was a gaping hole inside her, at least she wasn't alone.

Pepper had a dream almost as soon as she dozed off. She was walking on a night-time beach, holding a tiny hand in hers. It was so small that she feared even the lightest touch might damage it, yet fit there better than anything had ever fit into her life before. Nor had she ever experienced the kind of love she did when the hand squeezed back, tightly, determinedly. Like it never, ever wanted to let go. After a long hesitation Pepper finally risked to hold back a little more tightly. In an instant the hand in hers exploded to ashes.

Pepper was all alone on the beach, feeling like her heart had been torn to shreds in her chest.

Her baby was gone. Before they even got the chance to look at each other. Her child was nothing but dust in the wind.

Pepper didn't know that while she slept, tears rolled down her cheeks.

* * *

Tony hadn't slept in three and a half days. A distant, somewhat rational piece of him realized that such wasn't healthy. The rest of him just didn't care.

He didn't want to go to sleep because he didn't want to find out what his dreams would be like. He would've wanted to comfort Pepper, desperately, but he had no idea how to. And it really didn't seem or feel like she wanted to see him, either. He didn't even find out that she'd left the Tower before Thor came looking for her.

"I'm… in need of council." The hammer wielder frowned and shifted with visible discomfort. "It's… the sort of a matter I presume women have better knowledge over."

Tony couldn't help but notice that his Asgardian friend seemed very, very stressed out. His eyebrow bounced up while his mind hurried to shield him against thinking about Pepper. "Trouble in paradise?" he joked lamely.

Did Thor… blush? The Asgardian definitely sported a very uncharacteristic deer in the headlights look. "No, no, of course not. I'm… simply in need of some…" The taller man fumbled for words.

"… chick talk?"

Thor frowned. "I don't know what that means. My… problem has nothing to do with baby-birds."

For first time since… _then_ Tony felt a genuine smile tugging at the corners of his lips. Small as it was. It lasted until he realized that this was the perfect opportunity to tell Thor about the miscarriage. He opened his mouth – and chickened out almost immediately. "I've… gotta go. Before an experiment gets out of hand." He would've patted his friend on the shoulder but because of their height-difference it would've seemed awkward. "I hope you get things sorted out with Jane."

Thor nodded, but it was obvious that the hammer wielder's mind was somewhere a million miles away. Tony was leaving, almost safe already, when the Asgardian spoke out all of a sudden. "Are you alright?" There was a thoughtful frown on his friend's face. "You seem… sad."

Apparently it's entirely possible to fake a smile even while feeling like getting stabbed repeatedly. "Nah, you know me. I'm always alright."

* * *

Pepper knew that it wasn't healthy to isolate herself like she did. But she also couldn't stand the thought of being with anyone. No matter how badly a part of her wanted to be with Tony, no matter how much she worried about him whenever she was able to focus.

She couldn't bring herself to eat. Not when everything she put into her mouth made her feel nauseous. She was always tired so she slept. A lot. Even though her dreams were unpleasant more often than not.

She kept that pattern up until one day, she met her breaking point and did something a part of her had wanted to do since _then_. She tossed around, broke and shattered more items than she could count. Practically destroyed her apartment. When she stood in the middle of the devastation, she finally knew what she had to do if she didn't want to go completely insane.

When her doorbell rang she fully expected it to be a worried neighbor. Instead she found Clint Barton. He grinned disarmingly. "Morning." He checked the time and shrugged. "Well, noon's practically still morning."

Pepper almost felt like smiling. Almost. "What are you doing here?"

"You and I, are about to take a joyride", Clint announced merrily. He then finally noticed the devastation, and arched an eyebrow. "A little remodeling?"

It felt like they drove all the way to the edge of the city. Eventually Clint pulled over to reveal a spectacular view the kind she hadn't known was possible to find in New York. There was some concrete, too, but also green and water. The sight was incredibly soothing.

"I come here sometimes. When things get too much", he confided. "Sometimes I just… think."

"And when you don't just think…?"

"I scream my lungs out." He shrugged at her disbelieving expression. "Nothing but birds and squirrels to hear. So scream. I know you want to. Hawkeye, remember?"

Pepper was about to point out that it was a ridiculous idea. But then again… She hadn't had the best of judgements lately. So she opened her mouth, and howled.

Out of grief. Out of rage. Out of loss. Out of such pain she hadn't imagined was possible.

"Feel better?" Clint inquired when she was done.

"Yeah", she admitted hoarsely. Not much, but still. That was a start.

* * *

Tony knew that it wasn't healthy. But he did anything and everything he could to not think about the baby he lost. Or the relationship he seemed to be losing as well.

He worked. Dove into experiments and research. Avoided sleeping at all costs, because dreams were the worst torture. He even tried to talk to Clint. (Well, their little sessions were mostly sparring.) And when all else failed, when nothing took away the ache, he started drinking.

He also took walks. A lot of them. Mostly he just wandered around aimlessly, not really knowing what he was looking for. Whenever his steps attempted to lead him towards Pepper's apartment he worked aggressively to make them change course.

He was the last thing she wanted to see. She didn't want anything to do with him after how he'd let her and their unborn child down. Didn't she make that clear when she distanced herself from him like this?

In the ridiculously late, or early, hours of one day Tony was on one of his strolls when he found himself from a corner of the city he couldn't recognize. The fact that he had no idea where he was, however, wasn't what made him freeze. He was paralyzed by the discovery that he stood in front of a store selling all sorts of stuff for babies. He found himself staring at a crib. And all of a sudden he had a razor-sharp mental imagine of himself. Of himself, holding a baby girl who looked just like Pepper, only with his hair-color.

Tony had managed to keep himself from breaking down entirely until then, but that thought of something so precious he'd never get to have…

He didn't even notice the woman approaching him until she laid a hand on his shoulder and spoke softly. "Hey." Dark eyes searched his, full of genuine worry. "Are you alright?"

It was like a force of nature. Completely out of Tony's control. Terrifying, embarrassing.

Tony heard a pathetic, animalistic whimper and realized with a delay that it came from him. His knees would've most likely buckled if the woman hadn't stepped to support him. He clung to her desperately, like a drowning man. Would've pleaded her to make the agony go away if he had any breath for words. Instead he buried his face to the stranger's shoulder and felt the world crumbling along with his heart.

Fate still wasn't satisfied with torturing him and Pepper. Because unbeknownst to Tony, someone snatched a picture of his breakdown. To a random bystander it looked like he and the stranger were embracing tenderly, about to kiss.

* * *

Tabloids, of course, loved a picture like that. In a matter of minutes the internet was full of copies, and soon it felt like there wasn't a soul who hadn't seen it. Who hadn't drawn all the wrong conclusions.

' _IS TONY STARK CHEATING ON PEPPER POTTS?_ '

Every time those words came to haunt Tony his stomach twisted and turned.

Fortunately he wasn't the one driving the car towards Pepper's apartment. Happy cleared his throat and shifted awkwardly. "I, ah… know that this isn't any of my business. But… Did you…?" The rest was unvoiced but still all too loud and heavy in the air between them.

Tony's eyes flashed. "No! Of course I didn't!" It was one thing to have strangers imagine something like that about him. But coming from someone he considered a friend…!

"Sorry, sorry. Just… She hasn't been around in days. And… You haven't really been yourself lately. What's going on?"

Apparently his one-man theater-show called 'I'm perfectly okay' wasn't working as well as he'd imagined. Tony gritted his teeth, the words wanting to bubble through. "I need a drink", he muttered instead.

"No, buddy", Happy argued. Startlingly solemn all of a sudden. "That's the last thing you need right now. Especially when you already smell like a bar."

Tony shrugged, childish defiance on his face. No matter how tightly he folded his arms he couldn't stop trembling. "Well, I want a drink, anyway. Or… a lot of drinks."

Tony's knees felt ready to buckle when he made his way to Pepper's apartment and rang the doorbell. He knew that she'd seen the picture and headlines. Because he was psychic that way. (Her beyond ominous 'We need to talk' message was also an excellent, if not very much unwanted clue.) He wondered if she'd yell at him. Or if she'd even let him in.

When the door finally did open Tony's knees went so weak that he had to lean against the wall. He would've felt relieved if it wasn't for the look on his girlfriend's far too pale face. He swallowed thickly. "I haven't been cheating on you", he blurted out. Dancing around tough topics had never been exactly his thing.

Pepper nodded slowly. There was no way of knowing whether she believed him until she spoke, her voice so quiet that he had to strain his ears to hear. "I know. The rest of New York may not believe you, but… I do."

"O… kay." Tony frowned, feeling lost and insecure. And although only two steps separated them he didn't think they'd ever been further apart, even before they first met. "Then… what did you want to talk about?" What a stupid question, really. They hadn't talked about _anything_ in days. Especially about what they should've talked about. There was a lot they needed to discuss.

Pepper moved slowly, giving him a clear view to the apartment. It was… a mess. More items than he could count having been hurled at walls and to the floor, most of them now broken. And there, like an anchor in a sea of chaos, sat a suitcase. Packed up and ready to go.

Tony felt cold. Very, very cold. "What… the hell…?" He ran out of words.

"Mr. Chie called. Apparently no one had informed Hong Kong's office that I was on a sick-leave." Pepper was trembling almost as badly as he was. Barely in control over herself. "There's an important meeting in two days. He'd like me to attend."

Tony didn't know how to react. How to feel. "Are you sure you're…?"

"Tony, if I don't get away from this city I'll go out of my mind." Tears filled her eyes, but only for a few seconds. "Every time I go to sleep, I have these… dreams… And… Every time I look at you…" She swallowed loudly. "It's not your fault, okay? Of course it isn't. If anyone's done something wrong it's me." She shook her head to enforce her words. "I just… Tony, I have to go."

Perhaps Tony should've told her not to. Fought for her, or fought her. Maybe that would've been cruelty. He definitely should've told her that none of this was her fault and whatever she chose to do he'd support her. That he loved her and they'd be alright. And he absolutely should've kissed her, embraced her.

Instead he grabbed the apartment's door and pulled it closed, separating them.

Tony expelled a shuddering gasp of air, his fists balling so tightly that nails almost dug through skin. Eventually he leaned his forehead against the door. And wondered what the hell he was doing.

"Excuse me, young man?" Out of nowhere, it seemed, an elderly woman had appeared. She looked at him with a great deal of suspicion in her squinted eyes, forehead full of wrinkles. "Have I seen you before?"

It took longer than it should've before Tony recovered enough to straighten and shake his head. "No, I don't think so." The sharp, almost venomous look aimed at him urged him to go on. "Ma'am."

The woman emitted a huff. Then nodded demandingly towards the door. "Is she quite alright? There was a lot of noise earlier."

Tony wanted to lie. Mainly because he needed the lie for the sake of his sanity. But he was too exhausted to keep doing that anymore. So he shook his head while fighting futilely against the lump in his throat. "No, she isn't okay."

* * *

TBC

* * *

A/N: And the mess deepens, before things start to SLOWLY find their right track… (whimpers) They're both such messes…! Poor dears.

Sooooooo… Was that worth the wait, at all? PLEASE, do let me know! I'd LOVE to hear from you!

Awkay, I'm tuning out because I'm barely awake right now. (chuckles) Until next time, folks! I REALLY hope that you'll all stay tuned for that one.

Take care, of yourselves and all the Tonys and Peppers out there – let's be each other's Clint Bartons!

* * *

 **IHaveANameYaKnow** : Quite the emotional roller-coaster, wasn't it? (winces and offers tissues) Let's hope that they'll start to recover soon! Those poor dears!

Colossal thank yous for the review! Until next time.


	3. … Paved With Good Intentions

A/N: HAPPY NEW YEAR, FOLKS! It's time for my first update on 2018. (BEAMS) And what better way to start than to re-activate a tale that's been waiting WAY TOO LONG? (winces apologetically)

THANK YOU, so much, for your reviews and support! It feels so good that you're out there, waiting for each chapter. (HUGS)

Awkay, then… Are you ready? Because it's gonna be a tumulus ride.

IN THIS CHAPTER we go through the time of 'Age of Ultron', with some 'deleted scenes' and mentions towards what we saw. Tony-angst ahoy! (The poor, poor dear…! Even though he DID mess up pretty royally…)

* * *

… Paved With Good Intentions

* * *

As far as everyone except for Tony, Pepper and Clint knew, Pepper was on a very long business trip. The headlines about Tony's supposed affair with another woman did cause a bit of a gossip storm, though. It bothered the billionaire, more it should've, how many people were willing to believe something like that about him. No one asked or confronted him directly but the judgmental looks and the muttering that stopped the second he entered a room spoke more than enough.

He focused on work because that was the pretty much only thing making him feel… normal. Every time he left New York he breathed a subconscious sigh of relief. _Away_ , on a mission or at a horribly boring business meeting, he was able to _forget_ , at least for a little while.

It was hard. And excruciatingly painful. And Tony had a feeling that he used far too much alcohol throughout the journey. But at least he was finally, eventually, getting back to his feet. Or thought he was, anyway.

Until the inevitable day dawned when he came far too close to losing someone, again.

* * *

Pepper had always loved Paris. And at school she enjoyed studying French. Which was why being asked to work in her favorite city for a few months was the best thing that happened to her since… Well.

It had been three months from one of the worst days of her entire life, now. After leaving New York she attempted to cope with her grief alone. Which, of course, turned out to be a horrible idea. She realized that she had to start seeing a therapist when the sound of a baby crying triggered a panic attack in the middle of a flight.

She still dreamt of the child she never got to hold, every single night. Of a little girl with Tony's hair and her laughter running across a beach and to water. Eventually she started avoiding sleeping to keep that painful dream at bay. She started running. Every day, no matter how long days she spent at work. She tried to tell herself that it wasn't running away.

She thought about Tony as well, every day. Of course she did. She hadn't stopped loving him just because of their loss. Nor had she stopped worrying about him. Every time she saw him on TV and pictures she saw her own agony reflected, deep in his eyes. And she ached to go to him and comfort him. But she knew that it would've done neither of them any good. That was what she reasoned, until she received a message that broke her resolve.

' _Barton almost got killed today._ '

* * *

Pepper tried to call Tony, but as much as he would've wanted to hear her voice he just couldn't bring himself to pick up. Instead he focused on getting them back to the Tower, anything to keep himself useful and busy. Then, far too quickly, the time of action stopped.

Clint was wheeled away. The rest of the team retreated quietly to catch their breaths and wait for whatever was to come. It was just Tony, standing in the middle of a ridiculously huge room and feeling far more than he was comfortable with. Until he was moving once more.

A little like a shark, fearing that if he'd stop he'd drown.

The mental images of Clint's actual injury mixed with the sickening hallucination he saw. Haunted him with the chilling knowledge that with enemies like Hydra and Loki's army, he might lose his whole team. And he wasn't about to let that happen, couldn't bear the thought of losing even more. He wasn't about to let that… something unknown from space, or Earth, destroy everything he held dear, or the whole world. He failed to protect his own child before the little one was even born, but he could still do _this_. For all the children and stupidly vulnerable friends in the world.

So he did what he always did at the face of a problem. Anything and everything he could to create a solution. And, just like was the case far too often, he ended up creating a brand-new, catastrophic problem.

There had to be some bitter irony in the fact that, at last, he technically succeeded in creating the kind of life that didn't flicker out before it was even born – and it turned out to be about as destructive as he usually was.

* * *

In the end it was Clint himself Pepper reached first. His message was short, as they usually were, but made her whole frame slump a little with relief. ' _I'm fine. Tony just panicked. Again._ '

Pepper found herself smiling. The normalcy of the situation soothed her. ' _He does that sometimes. But I'm glad you're okay._ ' It occurred to her that they'd been sending back and forth far too many messages like this. In a flash she remembered Tony mentioning, several times over, that he planned on building a full-body armor for the accident-prone archer. A sudden stab of longing crossed her. ' _How is he?_ '

' _Trying to make a joke out of everything. Shaken. Avoiding me._ '

Pepper understood, they both did. She sighed heavily. ' _Keep an eye on him for me._ '

' _What else would I stick around for?_ '

Pepper sighed again. This time with reprieve. And shifted her attention to her laptop's screen.

Just a couple of more clicks, and she'd be able to head to New York soon. If she wanted to. Was she really ready? To face Tony? Both their grief? To move on?

Her hand moved.

* * *

Usually Tony loved parties. He was fun to be around when he wanted to be, and most days he enjoyed being around people. But not on the day of Thor's party.

He hadn't really slept since that battle with Hydra and the vision he had. He didn't do worrying, but he was… concerned, and tense. Which he treated with his usual healing-method – far too much alcohol. And it worked. He relaxed, became bubbly.

Until Maria asked about Pepper, and he felt a gaping crack forming to his mask of 'I'm alright'. Tony wanted to scream out the truth, howl out the fresh ache. Instead he joked, and made it seem like he was attempting to brush his own ego. He had a nasty feeling that his act wasn't as flawless as he wanted it to be.

He wanted Pepper in his arms. And more than that, he wanted his baby. But since he couldn't have either he drank some more. He hadn't been as drunk in a long time as he was while trying to lift Thor's hammer.

He sobered quickly when Ultron appeared, and things began to head towards hell.

* * *

It took Pepper longer than she would've liked to leave Paris behind. By the time she was in a private jet headed to New York the news of Hulk's attack began to surface. She watched, her eyes wide from sheer horror, how Tony fought the green giant that was supposed to be an ally. How buildings were damaged and came down. And realized that although the word of her and Tony had shattered, the world around them was ever the same.

There'd always be another enemy. Another battle. Another close-call. She could've lost him, too. (Yet again.) And her racing heart knew that she still might, that it wasn't over yet.

The force of that realization made her dash to the toilet and throw up what little she'd eaten before the flight.

* * *

Tony faced the justified anger and accusations of his friends. Faced the battle. Faced Hulk. It all just rolled ahead, like one long, nasty bad dream.

Then he faced their 'safehouse', and Clint's family.

He didn't quite know how he ended up to the house's porch, but that was where he'd slumped when Clint took a seat beside him. "Sorry I didn't tell you and the others about them. I just… I wanted to keep them safe. Away from our insanity."

Tony understood that. Better than well. The idea of dragging Pepper to a place like this, to a safe haven so seemingly far away from all the evils of the world… "I get it", he assured out loud, sounding more melancholic than he'd meant to. "Honestly? If I had a place like this… I wouldn't share it with the world, either." Especially with a world that was now even more unsafe, thanks to Ultron. Thanks to him.

"Tony…" Clint contemplated for a while before continuing, not looking his way. "Before Lila… Laura and I lost one, too."

It took some time before Tony understood what his friend was talking about. It made him feel very, vey cold. His friend went on before he got the chance to say anything.

"So, that pain you're going through… I get it." The look in Clint's eyes suggested that the man's mind was somewhere far away. "Honestly, I thought it'd kill me. Or Laura."

"How did you get over it?" Tony blurted out before processing the words.

Clint shook his head. "It's not something you get over, Tony." The archer shrugged. "It's like Steve always says. You walk it off. And eventually the pain lessens. Dulls. You remember how many reasons you have to keep fighting."

Tony wanted to ask how long it'd take before that happened but didn't think he wanted to hear the answers. Instead he swallowed thickly. "I would've been a lousy dad, anyway."

He created Ultron. Which turned out to be a monster. How much damage would he do to an actual child? Maybe universe was trying to tell him something.

Clint snorted. "If I manage to be any good at parenting… Trust me, you'll do a brilliant job. When the time's right." The archer wiped his eyes so swiftly that it would've been easy to miss. "I'd give you some wise and philosophical explanation, but… I have no idea why we lost them. But… I wanna imagine that now we have someone… on the other side to watch over us."

Tony contemplated, and found that he quite liked that thought.

Laura peered to the porch a little later. Just in time to witness how the two friends broke a hug, wiped their eyes and proceeded to pretend that nothing happened. She smiled.

* * *

The chaos of Sokovia happened so quickly that, for the first time in days, Tony didn't have the time to think too much. About how insane it all was, about how unlikely it was that he and his friends would make it out alive. He just reacted, fought, soldiered on.

Together they emptied and blew up a whole city. And somehow that was all really, actually happening. It wasn't just a new, crazy and horrifying hallucination.

Tony had no idea how long had passed until he stood on solid ground. It couldn't have been more than minutes, but felt like hours. He stared how the evacuated people cried and hugged each other. Men. Women. Children. And in an ice-cold moment of clarity he realized that if it wasn't for Fury's miraculous arrival, all those people would've died. Along with his friends. It was either all of them, or the whole rest of the world.

In trying to stop that nightmarish hallucination from coming true, he nearly turned it into reality.

Then he saw a little girl standing all alone, tears running down her dusty face. She cried out for her parents, over and over again. To no avail. Another lost and broken soul, a young woman, screamed for who had to be her brother. She received no answer, either. Slowly, reluctantly, Tony's gaze traveled to where Pietro's bloodied body lay.

True, they saved a lot of people. But they also lost far too many. And it was all on him. All his fault. He unleashed the wrath that caused this. With good intentions, and even dragged Bruce into it.

As though things weren't bad enough, Rhodey's breathy voice spoke to his ear. " _I… I just found Thor. He fell to water when the city exploded._ "

Tony's chest tightened painfully. He swallowed thickly, but it did nothing to erase the lump in his throat. "Is he…?" He gritted his teeth, braced himself to face the full consequences of his actions. "Is he breathing?"

" _Yeah. Just got knocked out good. I'll take him to the medics._ " Rhodey didn't sound so out of breath anymore. " _The others?_ "

"Rogers and Romanoff are banged up but okay." From the corner of his eye he saw Steve helping people. "Banner's still missing. Barton…" _Hang on…_ For the first time since reaching the horrifying scene he was able to focus properly. And realized that Clint was closer than he'd imagined. Slumped near Pietro, face turned away from him. His eyebrows furrowed while cold spread through him. "Clint, you taking a nap or something?" His friend didn't so much as twitch.

 _No, no, no…!_

Unnaturally slowly, like there was an invisible weight crushing him down, Tony began to move forward. His throat was so choked that he wouldn't have been able to call out again even if he wanted to. The closer he got, the clearer it became that something was badly wrong.

If there was one individual moment that solidified just how badly he messed up, it was when his eyes spotted the blood staining Clint's limp hand.

* * *

When a panicking Pepper heard from Maria where she and Fury were headed she tagged along, ignoring protest and reasoning. (She used language, volume and threats that seemed to genuinely startle Fury to persuade him. It was far more satisfying than it should've been.) Because she couldn't just stand around and wait for even a moment longer. She felt like she'd stepped right into a war-movie. First the battle, the exploding city… Then the aftermath. The dirty faces, the wounds, the glazed over looks in too many eyes, the whimpering and desperate cries… So many people had their whole lives shattering that day.

Finally she found Tony, who was shouting at the medic working on Clint. Her heart jumped right into her throat. Then their eyes met, just as the archer was rushed away.

There were so many things Pepper wanted to say. But somehow all words disappeared from her mind. All she could do was make her way to him, and before she saw it happening they were hugging each other tightly. The pain and horrors of the past months flowing through them, all the emotional scar-tissues torn off to leave them raw.

They grieved, because hadn't their worlds blown apart, too?

It took long before she realized that Tony was crying. And even longer to hear his choked out words. "… did this", the billionaire managed with audible difficulty. "I caused this, Pep! How can I live with…?"

She didn't want him to finish that horrible thought. Instead she crushed her lips against his, fiercely, desperately. Because in that moment one of them had to be strong, or they would've both fallen apart in a way there was no coming back from. And Tony, who'd never relied on anyone in his entire life, kissed and held back like a drowning man hanging on to his last hope.

It took another day before she finally broke down, having woken up to find an empty bed.

* * *

Clint had no idea how long he was out. When he began to drift back towards consciousness, he heard familiar voices. "Pep…!"

Was that… a sob? It took a lot of willpower to keep pretending that he wasn't awake. Pepper's voice was barely comprehensible. "… could've lost you, too, Tony! When I woke up, and you weren't there… Don't…" There was an unidentifiable sound. "Don't you dare, ever again…!"

"Shh, shh…" Clothes rustled as two people embraced tightly, desperately. The softly murmuring voice sounded nothing like Tony's. "I'm still here. I promise."

Pepper replied nothing. But the room's silence changed, became less loaded. No one walked away.

Clint would've smiled, if it hadn't ruined his act, and decided to pretend being asleep just a little while longer.

* * *

Pepper and Tony were nowhere near being officially back together again. If they'd ever decide to rekindle their… relationship… It wouldn't be the same. Because they weren't the same, never would be again.

And now there was Ultron, and the mess of Sokovia.

Tony blamed himself, constantly. It didn't help that a lot of people, including friends, clearly blamed him as well. Seeing Wanda as a constant reminder of Pietro's fate didn't help, either. The boy died because of him, just like a nauseating number of other people. Clint and Thor could've died as well. Bruce had vanished, leaving Natasha mourning what could've been although she would've never admitted as much. How was he supposed to stop blaming himself for all that? And then there was the grief-process, with which he seemed to be stuck because he had to stay strong for Pepper. With her around he couldn't afford to fall apart.

So he drank and worked too much. Threw himself to building a new training facility. Threw money and effort to help the survived Sokovians start new lives. Until he collapsed from sheer exhaustion. A few days later Pepper gave his hand a firm, comforting squeeze before he headed to a session with psychiatrist Sarah Harris.

In the month which followed Tony's dreams changed. There were still nightmares, such that'd always be a part of his life, now. But increasingly often he also dreamt of having a secret farm of his own. Of Pepper greeting him with a kiss when he walked through the door, safe and happy, that sadness in her eyes finally gone. Of a little girl whose face he still couldn't get a glimpse of. In these new dreams instead of running away, she rushed to his arms.

Yet even as he woke up, his chest full of fool's hope and tears in his eyes, Pepper sleeping beside him… Tony knew that it was just a dream. And most likely that was all it'd ever be.

Tony also knew that as much as she would've wanted to stay and as much as he wanted to have her in his arms, Pepper wasn't ready to stay. Not yet, at least. Also, as Dr. Harris pointed out gently, he wasn't ready, either. As it was he and Pepper served as nasty reminders, rather than support, to each other. They needed time to heal on their own before trying to be there for each other. They needed a break, a breather. So Tony did one of the hardest things in his life. He saw her off to the jet that'd take her back to Paris.

On the very last moment she peered towards him over her shoulder. As reluctant to go as desperate she was to leave. "Whenever you need me…"

"I know", he interrupted her quickly but gently. For as long as they were both alive he wouldn't lose her, not really. Right now he just needed to let her go. For both their sakes. He needed her to leave quickly, before he'd run out of strength and will.

Pepper opened her mouth, then closed it. Sun and something else shimmered in her eyes as she walked on. Then disappeared.

Tony considered the pain that ravished all of him a pathetically small penance for all the damage he and Ultron caused.

* * *

Later that day Tony stood at the door of Clint's farm, shifting with uncharacteristic insecurity. "Are you… sure that it's okay if I stay here for a little while?" With the new baby and everything he felt like an intruder. Besides, he wouldn't have blamed the archer if the man wanted nothing to do with him anymore.

It was Laura who gave him a warm smile. "What kind of a question is that? You can stay as long as you like."

"I agree." Clint smirked in a manner that promised no good but also filled him with much-needed warmth. "We could use an extra pair of hands to help with diaper duty."

* * *

TBC

* * *

A/N: So this is where infamous 'break' begins. (sighs) We'll see just how much more turmoil there'll be before the eventual relief. Poor dears!

SOOOOO… Was that worth the wait, at all? PLEASE, do let me know!

IN THE NEXT CHAPTER comes what we're all been dreading. 'Civil War' crash-lands to shatter hearts. How, exactly, did Tony cope with the events? And what was Pepper doing in the meantime?

Until next time, folks! I REALLY hope that you'll all stay tuned for that one.

Take care!


	4. The Cost of War

A/N: Typing this took me AGES. (Until this evening the words started FLYING to a Word-file, heh.) Mainly because typing about the events of 'Civil War' PAINS me. This chapter… is gonna be painful to all those who ached during the film. (winces)

THANK YOU, so much, for your reviews and love! They've DEFINITELY kept this little tale alive. (HUGS)

Okay, because I've already kept you waiting and stalling ain't gonna make this easier… LET'S GO! BRACE YOURSELVES, FOLKS!

* * *

The Cost of War

* * *

The time at the Farm worked like a charm, even if caring for someone else's baby and missing his own ached Tony on occasion. There, away from all the expectations of the world and the never-ending attention of the press, the billionaire began to truly recover. It felt easy to breathe again. He was even able to smile genuinely. And more than that, he stayed sober. But after a few weeks it was time to head back to New York and face the reality.

Tony lost his unborn child. As a result he lost Pepper, too, at least temporarily. But, as he slowly came to realize, he still had a family left to protect.

The remaining Avengers. And the new ones. Training advanced quickly and he watched, like a proud father, how they began to shine. Eventually Wanda was even ready for field-work.

They handled the kind of missions that would've been too dangerous for regular agents. Took down criminals and criminal organizations. Saved lives. In Tony's mind it wasn't enough to atone for the destruction he helped Ultron cause, but it was a start.

Life was busy, which was exactly what Tony needed to keep his mind from wrapping around unpleasant things. And then, in the middle of everything else, he heard… interesting rumors. There was a new superhero-wannabe operating in New York. It was nothing new. A lot of those had popped up since the Avengers did, and most of them called it quits very quickly. This new arrival caught his attention, though, despite only catching some petty criminals. Because this was the first web-slinging masked crime-fighter.

Even with Tony's resources it took a couple of months before he caught the first glimpse of the elusive spider. Arming several small alleys with hidden cameras turned out to be the solution. (Although some of the recorded material was such that made him feel so filthy he wanted to take a shower.) In a clip that lasted less than three minutes the masked superhero-candidate appeared, made sure there were no people around and pulled off the mask. Tony's eyes widened, and for a long moment he wondered if he was seeing right. "He's… just a kid." Definitely not eighteen yet. Just a child, fighting criminals who would've scared even most adults. Some more digging revealed that the boy's name was Peter Parker.

Tony never got the chance to be a parent for his own child. But now he felt almost paternal need to keep this one as safe as possible. Since then Peter had an unofficial guardian angel.

* * *

Nightmares of Sokovia had already been growing fewer and farther in between. Until Wanda accidentally took down an apartment building. And the constant eye the public had on them became critical once more.

Tony always had a feeling that there was a big-brother watching them. His suspicion was proven correct when Thaddeus Ross marched into the Tower with an expression of a bloodhound that'd caught a scent. The man wasted no time before throwing the idea of Sokovia Accords right at Tony's face.

The name alone was enough to make Tony's insides twist into knots. He had to swallow several times to fight back the bout of nausea. "This is supposed to be a team decision", he pointed out sharply, unsure which one of them he was more furious with. Nightmares he'd been wrestling with came to life in his head, even if he was wide awake.

Ross didn't flinch or back down. Only shrugged. "I'm aware. But I wanted to come to you first. Because you, should understand better than any of them why the world needs something like this." The eyes boring into his seemed to see far too much. The flash in them revealed that they caught a trace of weakness. "Don't you think you've gotten enough innocent people killed already?"

The shockwave of guilt, rage and pain was so great that for once in his life, Tony was rendered unable to utter a word.

Ross had no such limitations. The man charged on with newfound determination. "You have two options. Either you sign the Accords… Or the Avengers will be shut down permanently as a threat to the public. Which one do you choose?"

Tony's buzzing head was in a state of chaos. But even in the middle of that turmoil he knew one thing. He'd lost his unborn child, his parents, and he wasn't sure if he'd ever get together with Pepper. The idea of losing another family because of a stupid piece of paper… The idea of losing the one thing in his life that was good and made sense… It was more than he could bear.

The arrival of Ross didn't go unnoticed, of course. When he left the room the rest of the team was waiting for him, suspicion on their faces. "What's going on?" Sam was the first to demand.

Tony took a deep breath. Braced himself. "We've gotta talk…"

* * *

Everyone else seemed surprised that Natasha agreed to sign the Accords. Tony wasn't. She didn't want to lose the only family she'd ever had.

Wanda didn't sign. Couldn't do that to the likes of herself. To the likes of her brother. Steve didn't sign, either. Something that'd never been in them before lit up on the Captain's eyes. The billionaire wondered if that was the dark side he'd been waiting to get a glimpse of.

And it began to dawn on Tony, when the hissing and shouting between people who were supposed to be family began, that the cost of his decision might be greater than he'd feared.

* * *

In Paris Pepper still… struggled. Some days more, some days less. But somehow, impossibly, time and distance began to work their magic. The aching lessened, still remained but dulled. She dreamt less and less about what could've been. And wondered if that made her a bad mother to the child she never got the chance to hold. Before she stopped wondering, and accepted the unacceptable.

She was able to give an honest 'Yes' when people asked her if she was alright.

Fate… has a funny way of sneaking up on people. It was a ridiculously sunny afternoon when the door of her office opened and a wide-eyed colleague peered in. " _You have to see the news! There's been a terrorist attack in Vienna. It was the Winter Soldier._ "

It was time to stop running away.

* * *

It didn't take long before the news reached Tony as well. The Winter Soldier had attacked and killed several people, including Wakanda's king. It didn't take a genius to guess where Steve would be, that the Captain had far from wise plans.

Tony was genuinely surprised that Steve took his call. It wasn't hard to figure out what to say. "Rogers, don't do something stupid."

Maybe it was just the bad, constantly cracking connection, but Steve sounded out of breath. Just as pained as he felt. They both knew that there was no coming back from this. " _He's like a brother to me, Tony. They would… I can't let them…_ "

Funny, that. Because Tony imagined that he was family, too, that they all were. But the connection was lost before he could say a thing.

Not much later Tony, bruised in body and spirit, went against everything he'd sworn to himself and asked Peter to help.

* * *

Watching the footage of the explosion, Pepper felt like she was in a slowly unfolding nightmare that transformed into reality. It was bound to lead to the Avengers, so painstakingly put together, falling apart. Things were made even worse by the fact that Tony refused to or wasn't able to respond to her calls and messages. Then she received a message from Clint, and felt her stomach knot from worry and something like fear.

' _I'm sorry. I'm not trying to hurt him. But he's gone too far, and I have to do something._ '

If she hadn't known earlier, that exact moment would've made certain that things would never be the same again.

* * *

It was a disaster, there was no kinder way to call it.

Wanda was supposed to be safe. Yet there she was, in the middle of the chaos. Clint was never supposed to be involved, pulled into the mess. Yet there he was. No one was supposed to get hurt. Well, Rhodey got hurt, badly. Could've easily died. And Peter, just a boy, got hurt too. To a point where he couldn't get up on his own. The teen headed home with plenty of bruises. The team that was supposed to be a family was torn to shreds. Because of him, Steve and a piece of paper.

Steve flew away with Bucky, never had to face the aftermath, but Tony didn't have such luck.

Rhodey had just been rushed to a hospital when Ross and his men appeared. Getting restrained harshly, Sam turned a pair of accusing eyes towards him, shouted something the billionaire couldn't quite catch from all the hassle. Watching Wanda being slammed harshly to the ground and getting sedated was worse. So was facing the look of betrayal, wrath and disappointment on Clint's face when their eyes met.

Tony wanted to say that he was sorry. Wanted to stop _everything_. Wanted to turn back time. Wanted to cry and scream. But all he could do was stand there and stare as everything fell apart.

 _This_ was the moment from which there was no going back – _this_ was the moment where Tony felt that he'd truly lost everything.

* * *

Considering all the crap that just happened, Tony figured that taking Peter home himself was the least he could do. Recent bruises didn't seem to matter, because the kid babbled excitedly through the whole journey. It was a relief, distracted the billionaire from having to think about just how messed up e _verything_ was at the moment. Too bad he still did far too much thinking for his own good.

According to the medical professionals it was a miracle that Peter wasn't injured worse than he was. Yes, the teen received some nasty blows but was recovering incredibly quickly. There was no impact on the Spider-Man's spirit, either. The boy expressed very clearly that he couldn't wait to face such a challenge again.

"You'll give me a call, right?" Peter asked just before leaving the vehicle. Clearly still high on adrenaline. "The next time you need my help."

Tony did his best to smile. Or at least grin. "I will, kid." If he learned anything at all from today, it was that he couldn't pull a child into fights that were more than the boy could chew. He wouldn't endanger Peter's life ever again, even if his own depended on it. Once was unforgivable enough.

He wouldn't make May go through losing a child, because he knew too well how it felt.

The car was already about to slide away when Peter pulled the door open. The boy scratched his hair, clearly not quite sure how to express whatever was on his mind. "Look, I'm sorry about… Cap, and stuff. But… It'll all work out. I mean… He's still a superhero. Right?"

To be young and naïve again… But Peter didn't have to see the arrests, or any semblance of friendships being torn to pieces. Of course Tony didn't have the heart to voice as much. Instead he nodded, already very good at the 'I'm okay' act. "Right." He inhaled sharply. "Now go, before your aunt…" He cut himself short before voicing something his companion wasn't old enough for. "And be careful. I've got both eyes on you."

Less than a minute later he watched Peter limping away, and wondered if the pain gnawing at his insides was what people experienced after failing as parental figures.

* * *

Tony tried to avoid it at first, but eventually decided that he had to see the captured part of what used to be his team. To make sure that they were treated alright. To try and make amends, because the whole mess had gotten way out of hand. It was high time to attempt to fix what he could.

It was a mistake. A very, very painful mistake. Clint's venomous words cut deeper than any knife. (He regretted his own instantly.) Afterwards, in an elevator, Tony punched the wall so hard that he almost broke his hand.

Unfortunately the worst was yet to come.

* * *

Pepper was already on her way back to New York when her phone started ringing. She picked up immediately after checking the caller ID. "Tony, what the…?"

" _Pep, you should come to the Tower. As soon as you can._ " Happy's voice was barely recognizable, a shadow of its usual. " _He, ah… He was attacked. We found him a couple of hours ago._ "

If Pepper hadn't been sitting down… It was hard to talk with how dry shock sucked her mouth. "Who attacked him?" Frustration wrestled with sheer terror and won when there was no reply. "Happy…!"

" _Rogers._ " She didn't think she'd ever heard Happy sound that miserable. " _It was Rogers, with Barnes._ "

Right there, right then, the world stopped making sense.

Tony was at the Tower's medical wing when she burst in. There, horribly bruised and sitting on the edge of a bed with hunched shoulders and a defeated expression… He seemed very, very young, and heart shatteringly broken.

Then their eyes met, and time seemed to speed up before stopping entirely.

Pepper had no idea how long they'd been holding each other with almost desperate force until Tony finally spoke. His words were muffled from how tightly he'd buried his face to her shoulder. "… really here?"

Pepper swallowed back her own tears and stroked his hair gently. She hated the bump she could feel forming, the way he shivered even at the slightest contact. "Yeah, I'm here."

Tony nodded barely noticeably. It took a while before he found his voice, and even then it was small. "Don't go." He, a man who never begged for anything, was pleading with her. "I know it's selfish… But… Don't go." _I can't watch you walk away again._

Pepper kissed the top of his head. Would've held on tighter if she hadn't feared that it'd somehow break him further. "I'm not going anywhere." Not when he'd already lost too much.

They made love for the first time in what felt like forever. They were a little hesitant, tried to learn each other anew after how much they'd both changed. And Tony was in pain despite refusing to admit it. It was horrible and wonderful all at once.

* * *

A few weeks later Tony was finally able to move around comfortably again. Which was also when he received Steve's letter. And Ross' call, which he put on hold before hearing the man out.

Careful to not disturb Pepper's light sleep, he abandoned the bed and headed to the Tower's kitchen area. Determined to resist the siren's call of something stronger, two hours later he was pouring himself the long night's fifth mug of coffee when Happy appeared. Something about the look on his friend's face made the billionaire frown and shudder. "What's going on?" What else could've possibly gone wrong?

Happy swallowed thickly. Then sighed loudly. "I, eh… did the… research you asked. And… I found something I thought you should know." The man shifted. "Ross knows about the Farm."

Tony ignored his injuries, the late hour and the fact that he had no idea how he could look at Clint's family in the eye. He needed to make sure that they, at least, were alright. That the innocent family didn't have to pay to price of his and Steve's stupid war. Maybe he'd be able to warn Laura about Ross. Perhaps she'd even believe him. He took a jet that couldn't be traced and flew, his stomach twisting and turning from dread.

The Farm was dark, which was no surprise in the middle of the night. An electric jolt of alarm shot through Tony when he discovered that the door wasn't locked. Laura would've known better.

"Laura?" he called out hoarsely and entered with caution. What kind of a welcome would he receive? Would he be seen as an enemy? "Kids?" Only silence answered him.

Trusting his instincts, Tony walked slowly to the kitchen. Which was where he froze, completely and utterly. A broken mug lay on the floor and coffee that grew cold long ago had spilled everywhere. A frantic search revealed that there was no one in the house.

There wasn't a trace left of Clint's family.

* * *

Tony had no way of knowing just yet what, exactly, happened during Steve's rescue mission. It'd been clear from the start that the jail-break wouldn't be easy. Was it any wonder that things didn't go according to the plan?

No one wanted to foresee the cost of a few people's freedom.

Ross had enough technology and men to ensure that the attack didn't go unnoticed. The ensuing battle was fierce. It ended to bullets and blood on the floor, to a pitch-black jet heading towards Wakanda.

Rain battered the world around the Raft that night.

* * *

TBC

* * *

A/N: (A random note? When in the film Steve asks Tony if he and Pepper are expecting... This story puts a new spin on Tony's reaction/response.)

That… wasn't pleasant to type. Now, folks, (Steve, pardon my language) shit has OFFICIALLY hit the fan. But just HOW badly? Is Clint's family okay? And how horribly wrong did the jail-break go?

IN THE NEXT CHAPTER, WE SEE EXACTLY WHAT TRANSFORMED TONY INTO THE KIND OF A PERSON HE WAS IN 'HOMECOMING'.

SOOO… Thoughts? Comments? Begs, threats…? PLEASE, do leave a note! I LOVE hearing from you.

Until next time! I REALLY hope that you'll all join in for that.

Take care!


	5. Broken Families

A/N: Phew! Typing this chapter wasn't easy. You'll figure out why soon…! BUT, here we are. Let's see if that's a good thing or not…

FIRST, though… THANK YOU, from the bottom of my heart, for your absolutely amazing reviews! (HUGS) I really hope that you'll be as captivated by these last chapters.

Awkay, people. LET'S GO! This… may sting a little…! Let's see what made Tony the way he was in 'Homecoming'.

 **I'm so sorry about the first half of this chapter…!**

* * *

Broken Families

* * *

Nick Fury arched an eyebrow when he entered his office to find Tony Stark, exhausted and agitated but sober. They hadn't met since the whole fiasco that was the battle between the Avengers, so he doubted that this was a social call. The billionaire, predictably, cut the awkward silence. "Where's Clint's family?"

Fury's chest tightened uncomfortably. All sorts of alarm-bells went off in his head. "What are you talking about?"

Alarm flared to life in Tony's eyes. "I… stopped by at the Farm. I just… I wanted to see them, make sure they're okay. And maybe… explain, or something. But… The whole place was empty." The man shifted. "They're… okay right? And somewhere safe?"

Fury took a deep sigh. If he had any hair at all left… "Stark… Barton is a former assassin and a seasoned field-agent. And there's nothing he's more paranoid about than keeping his family safe." He sighed heavily. "It sounds like he wanted to evacuate them. In that case there's only one person in this world who knows where they are right now. And that person is Clint Barton."

Little did Fury know, that for once in his life he was wrong.

* * *

/ _In a small town far up north, one of Thaddeus Ross' most trusted agents watched with keen, sharp eyes how Laura Barton – or whatever name she went by now, anyway – placed baby-Nate to a car-seat. Then entered the car herself after casting a long, suspicious look at her surroundings. When Laura drove off she followed, mindful to keep a subtle distance._

 _They headed to a small street full of tiny but very beautiful houses. Watching the family leaving the vehicle, the agent was so focused on her task that she shivered when her phone began to ring. "Has any of the convicts talked yet?"_

 _"_ No. _" Ross didn't sound pleased, which never promised good news. There was a sharp inhale. "_ It's time to take drastic measures to persuade them. _"_

 _Her eyes flashed. "Copy that, sir. I'm moving in." Not waiting for anything further she hung up and left the car with a single, fluid motion._

 _Which was as far as she got, before the house she saw the Bartons enter exploded with a blast that sent her to the ground. Getting up slowly and shakily, sure to put on a good show for the neighbors rushing to the scene, she whispered to herself. "Hail Hydra."_

 _Two days before Steve's rescue, a far too satisfied-looking Ross delivered the news to Clint._ /

* * *

At a doctor's office Pepper had difficulties with breathing properly. A searing sensation filled her eyes while she brought a hand to her lips. She didn't remember the last time she would've been trembling the way she was then.

A doctor on the other side of a desk gave her a look of sympathy. "I understand that this is a lot to take in. If you'd like to talk to one of our therapists I can…"

Pepper didn't hear the rest of the sentence before she broke down to loud sobs that made her whole body shudder.

* * *

Tony began to suspect that something was badly wrong when Fury seemed to disappear under a rock after their meeting. Suddenly there wasn't a trace of the man who usually pestered him on regular basis. He never bothered to call Ross back or accepted the man's oncoming calls. So it was Natasha who brought in the news, three weeks after the prison break.

Tony was once again trying to call Pepper – who took a sudden and mysterious sick-leave the previous day and… disappeared – when a computer-voice announced that he had a visitor. He quirked an eyebrow at the familiar person he found from his living-room. She stood by the window with her back towards him, but he knew better than to take it as a sign of trust.

"All this time without a peep… I'd ask where you've been, but I doubt you'd tell me." The real question was, what made her take the risk of coming back now? He did his best to keep his tone light despite constantly growing dread. "Blonde hair suits you."

Natasha had never been one to sugarcoat things. Especially when she was… emotionally compromised. The blow she delivered with just a few words was a merciless one. "Barton's dead."

After all those times Tony had imagined that 'this was it'… 'This is the point there's no coming back from'… _This_ was finally it.

* * *

Apparently there was a very intense fight before the imprisoned members of Team Cap were able to leave the Raft. More than one of them took hits. Clint never recovered from his wounds. Natasha didn't have the exact details, but as far as she knew her best friend never even made it to an operating table.

Suddenly the full cost of the War began to show far too clearly.

Tony made the decision, right there and then. He sold the Avengers Tower, as quickly as he could. Anxious to get rid of something he put a great deal of time, money and effort into.

"Are you… sure?" Happy questioned carefully.

Oh, Tony was. Surer than he'd been about anything in a very, very long time. What was the point in keeping the Tower when the team it was supposed be a home for no longer existed?

Tony didn't know how Pepper knew to appear. (He had an inkling suspicion that Happy had something to do with it.) But there she was that night, one arm around him while her other hand wiped away her tears. Together they grieved the loss of a friend who was right there to support them when they needed him the most.

"I…" Tony swallowed when he threatened to choke on his words. "I didn't… I never meant to… None of this…"

"I know", Pepper whispered softly, gently. With love and affection. And meant it.

Somehow her earnest understanding and support were what did it. Broke the barriers Tony had somehow succeeded in maintaining all day. He broke down to tears, and couldn't stop himself from wondering if Clint understood, too, before the end. Or if the archer died hating him.

* * *

There couldn't be an official funeral. Not yet. Not when they hadn't been able to notify Laura. But they needed the chance to say goodbye.

Sun was shining when they gathered to a forest nearby what used to be the Barton Farm. Tony, Vision and Natasha were the first to arrive. The billionaire was more surprised than he should've been when Steve and Wanda appeared as well. Both seemed utterly exhausted, had the same haunted look in their eyes. Like wild animals who'd been chased for too long. Guilt wrapped around Tony's stomach like a rope. Judging by the flash and hints of moisture in Steve's eyes, the Captain experienced something similar. For the first time in very long they understood each other.

Vision and Wanda brushed each other's hands, so quickly that it would've been easy to miss. It was apparent to anyone that something had been lost. Natasha stood away from everyone else as they said goodbye to her best friend. An outcast, torn between the two teams after helping them both, with no one left in the world she could trust. Steve and Tony exchanged solemn looks, both knowing the same thing.

This was on them.

None of them said much because… What difference would words have made? What was done was done. What was lost wouldn't return. Besides… They weren't there for their own bitter grudges. They were there for Clint. He deserved better than them wallowing in their bickering and self-pity. Somewhere in the woods a bird sang a small, grief-filled melody while they each lay a single flower to the memorial-spot made of a wooden cross and some stones. Steve hesitated before laying a familiar bow on the stones. Tony didn't want to know how the Captain got it back from Ross' people.

When they began to take their separate ways no one asked where the others were going. Not wanting to know and even less eager to answer. It was Steve who broke the loaded, grief and rage filled silence. "Tony… I'm…"

"Yeah, well… Me too." Tony gritted his teeth, the bitter taste in his mouth sharpening the words to come. "I never meant for him to get locked up." He saw Wanda tense up from the corner of his eye. "Any of you." His glare hardened when he met Steve's eyes properly for the first time since the soldier nearly killed him. Suddenly all the pain and betrayal came flowing through him all over again. "And you should've never asked him to help. That's on you."

"You think I don't know that? You think it doesn't keep me up at night how this whole shit turned out?" If it wasn't clear before, those words proved that Steve wrestled with as much guilt as he did. And that Captain America, just like Iron Man, would never be quite the same again. "We both did this, with a little help but still. And now we've gotta figure out how to live with this." With that the soldier walked away, the weight of the world on his broad shoulders.

When Wanda moved to follow Vision spoke for the first time that day. "Wanda…" He didn't seem to quite know what to say. "I'm sorry."

Wanda gave him a sorrow-filled smile. It was obvious how hard she fought to not look at the memorial spot. "I know. Everyone's sorry." So saying she took her leave. As did Natasha, just a few moments later. Even the former assassin didn't seem sure of where she was going. Shortly after Vision announced that he needed a moment and took off as well.

Left alone with the memorial spot and his thoughts, Tony sighed heavily before looking down. Just this once he chose to not be ashamed of the tears shining in his eyes. "I'm sorry", he whispered. Even if it was too late. Even if the words would never be heard.

That was the problem, wasn't it? Everyone was sorry. But that didn't bring the shattered bonds and lost friend back to life.

That night Tony drank for the first time in ages, and somehow managed to hate himself a little more for it.

* * *

The following morning Happy took up the task of waking him up to a day of hangover and self-pity. Instead of pouring a bucket of ice-water on him, as the man clearly wanted to do, his… assistant, chauffeur slash whatever threw a phone at him. "The kid's messaged me twenty times this morning. Send him a message back or call, because he's driving me crazy."

Just like that Tony was reminded that there were still people who needed him. The realization was cemented when Pepper stopped by an hour later. She smacked him slightly upside the head, then kissed him before laying down beside him. While Tony petted Pepper's hair with one hand and messaged with Peter with the other, he could've sworn that he felt Clint looking at him with approval. It gave him some comfort he wasn't sure he deserved.

True, he messed up, big time. Several times over. Created Ultron, let down friends, recruited a fifteen (or was it fourteen?) year-old against Captain America and crew… But now, at least, he was trying to do what was right. Surely that counted?

* * *

Tony had done everything that was under his power to keep an eye on Peter since finding out who Spider-Man was. (Happy was great help on the days when he was too overwhelmed to focus on the rest of the world.) He swore to look after the teenage crime-fighter. And he was determined to not lose anyone else. When he made that pledge to himself, he forgot one crucial thing. Peter was a bit too much like him. Too smart for his own good. Far too fond of adrenaline and trouble.

The fake-Avengers-robbers encountering Spider-Man was all over the news. Tony was watching the news with a grim expression when a computer-voice pulled him out of dark thoughts. " _Sir? Miss Parker is here to see you. She seems quite agitated._ "

Tony took a deep breath. "Angry women?" Keeping his tone light wasn't as easy as it was, once upon a time. "Nothing new, there."

May Parker's eyes flashed in a manner that promised nothing good as soon as she met him. "I let him start that internship with you because I thought that it'd teach him some responsibility. You promised that it'd be a great opportunity and I actually believed you." Tony was about to interject, there, but the narrowing of her eyes warned him against it before she went on. "He's tired, all the time. He spends his evenings who knows where, somehow comes back through the window and imagines that I don't notice a damned thing. His grades are sliding, his teachers keep contacting me because they're worried and I can't give them or myself any answers because he's practically stopped talking to me."

Tony felt uncomfortable. Very, very uncomfortable. "He's… a teenager?" Yes, agitating her further was obviously the smartest thing to do…

The look on May's face suggested that he was lucky to not get punched. "Yes, Tony, I'm aware of that! And that's why I'm so goddamned terrified! Because I look at him and I'm scared out of my mind of what kind of a man he's growing up to be!" She gritted her teeth loudly. "Do you know what he answers, every time I ask him what's wrong? That he's tired or stressed out from the internship."

Tony's stomach knotted from guilt that was only partially deserved. "I do my best to keep an eye on him. I promise." And he did. But with a super-powered teenager who wasn't his own kid he could only do so much.

May sighed heavily and pinched the bridge of her nose. "I know. Look… You're a good person, and… I have no problem with him having an internship with Tony Stark. It's Iron Man I'm worried about." There was clearly visible distress in her eyes. "Captain America… Loki and that… flying army of his… How can I know that Iron Man's enemies won't become Peter's?"

"Because I'll make sure of that", Tony swore, and meant it from the bottom of his heart. He made a mistake once, called Peter to a battle that was too much on the kid. And he wasn't planning on repeating it.

May offered him a sad little smile. One that gave him a chilling feeling that she knew too much. "We both know that there's no way you can promise that", she pointed out bluntly. For a moment it felt like they were on the same page. Worried about a child who was neither of their own but both felt responsible for. Then her gaze hardened. "Keep in mind that he's only fifteen and I'm not an idiot, Tony. I'm also his legal guardian. If I get even a little bit of suspicion that he's not safe with you, I'll do everything under my power to make sure that you never see him again. Even if it would make him hate me for the rest of his life."

May walked out with those words. Leaving Tony alone with the news of Peter's latest outing. He gave the kid the suit to keep him safer. Not for the first time he wondered if, instead, he pushed the teenager into even greater danger.

* * *

Clearly fate had decided that Tony and Pepper hadn't gone through already. The billionaire had his faults but he wasn't stupid. And he'd suspected for days that something aside losing a friend was bothering Pepper. That night, after some gentle coaxing, she finally gave in and broke down.

Through sobs that tore at Tony's heart she revealed that they lost another one, before she'd even suspected the spark of life was there.

Neither slept. They lay in the bed that belonged to them both once more, unable to speak, barely able to comprehend that it was all really happening again. When sun began to rise Tony finally whispered, his voice hoarse. "Let's have a vacation. Starting from tomorrow", he decided. "How does India sound?"

They both needed to run away. Escape the pain. This time they'd do it together.

* * *

Too bad the getaway was bound to become cut short.

Peter attempted to bite more than he could chew. And, predictably, got into a trouble. Nearly drowned. If it wasn't for special equipment and luck the teenager would've died.

Tony kept it together amazingly well during his talk with Peter. But afterwards Pepper held him. Guided him through the worst panic-attack he'd had in a very long time.

Losing his Avengers-family… Clint… Almost losing the third kid that was supposed to be his to protect… It was all too much.

"Back to New York?" Pepper whispered and kissed his neck.

Tony could only nod.

They were both still grieving. And in a horrible amount of pain. But they'd make it through, somehow. They'd keep it together, face it all together, for a child who still needed them.

* * *

There were times when Peter really, actually did work with Tony. Like on the evening before his departure to Washington. They worked furiously to improve the latest web-solution Peter came up with. (Peter knew that it would've been a great idea to introduce the shining mystery item he found to Tony, but decided not to feel guilty about the secrecy. The billionaire seemed stressed out enough without that thing added to it. He and Ned were already working on it, anyway.) In the heat of the work they had their heads pressed together, looks of intense concentration on their faces. (' _Mad scientists_ ', Happy scoffed, with a well-disguised hint of affection, when the man caught a glimpse of them.)

When Tony buzzed away to get some supplies Peter's senses tingled, announcing that someone was watching him. He turned his head to find Pepper, who offered a glass of Pepsi to him. "Thanks." He blinked twice. "Is… something wrong?" Why was she looking at him like that?

Pepper shook her head with a smile. "No, nothing's wrong. Just… You two look exactly the same when you're working."

Peter smiled radiantly, because he didn't think there was a bigger compliment in the world than _that_.

Clearly deciding to leave the two of them to their experiment, Pepper began to head out. Until on the last moment a thought crossed her mind. "You know… I think I should be thanking you. Because you're exactly what he needs right now." So saying she was gone.

Peter had no idea what she meant by that. (And he wasn't sure if he heard her murmur 'what we both need'.) But he chose to take that as another compliment.

Life was good.

* * *

Sometimes Tony almost forgot just how young Peter was. The incident at the ferry… It made adamantly clear that he was working with a teenager.

Peter defied his orders and almost got killed, for the third time in a chillingly small number of days. Because of a villain that was Tony's problem, FBI's problem, not the kid's. It was more than the billionaire who'd already lost far too much could stand.

Tony blew up on Peter. Took away the suit he'd given the teenager. And decided that if it was what he could do to stop the kid from risking his life, the look of heartbreak in the boy's eyes was worth enduring.

He thought wrong.

* * *

Peter stopped trying to contact him and it hurt, more than Tony could've imagined it would. He thought about sending the boy a message, several times over. But chose against it, especially after a message from May.

' _I don't know if I should thank you or get mad at you for letting him go._ '

It was time to move on, for both of them.

Tony should've known that there was no taking Spider-Man out of Peter Parker. That even after his fancy speech and all, Spider-Man was still inside the kid. That much became proven when the boy got buried under rubble and encountered a villain who would've killed most adults. Without the suit's protection.

Tony hadn't really recovered from Happy's phone-call report of the incident when he received a visitor. He found was Peter, trembling miserably and clearly in a lot of pain. "I… I think I need help." Then, before getting a reply, the teenager collapsed.

And Tony wondered if what he experienced right then was what getting a heart-attack felt like.

* * *

Pretty much anyone without Peter's increased healing might've died of the injuries he received that night. But with that ability and the help of Tony's medical team the teenager was fast on his way to recovery. His eyes fluttered open with the first yawn of a new morning.

"I took the liberty to send your aunt a message that you're safe and sound. Otherwise she would've killed us both." Tony tried to keep his tone light, but even the boy could hear the undertones. The billionaire, who'd probably been sitting beside his bed all night, sighed heavily before putting away his phone and focusing on him. "Look… You did great last night. Really, really great. But never, ever do that again. Understood? Because…" The man's eyes shimmered for a moment. Maybe it was because of sunlight. "Because I'm not planning on losing you, too. So you'd better start listening to me. Or I'm telling your aunt about your web-slinging."

Peter swallowed thickly. He wanted to argue, point out that everything turned out okay. That he was alright and had learned his lesson. (He'd angst over Liz later, when he wasn't in so much physical discomfort.) But he didn't quite have the energy for so many words yet, so instead he took Tony's hand and gave it a feeble squeeze. One that was returned with far more force.

' _It's okay._ ' ' _I'm sorry._ ' ' _Never scare me like this again._ '

* * *

Forty-five minutes later Pepper – who only just woke up to find Tony's petrified message from the night before – burst in, her heart hammering from something like terror. Only to have the sight she encountered make her freeze by the doorway. Inside the room Peter was sleeping soundly, a look of contentment on his bruised face. And finally Tony, who still held the kid's hand firmly, was also sleeping peacefully.

Deciding to let the two have their rest, Pepper smiled and wiped the tears that'd gathered to her eyes, then left without making a sound to prepare some much-needed breakfast.

* * *

Fate, as it turned out, had another twist in store for Pepper and Tony.

After India Pepper couldn't stop being nauseous. Eventually, when she almost collapsed a few days after Peter's disastrous Homecoming-night, Tony took her to a doctor. The young woman receiving them seemed to be deep in thought while going through the test results. "I'm… not quite sure… It's a little too early for it to be a new one… Could be that it was twins, and one of them survived…"

They both stared. Barely breathing, barely daring to hope… "What?" Pepper managed at last, just as Tony sputtered "Are you saying…?".

The doctor finally seemed to realize how baffled she had her audience. She looked at them with a small smile. "Congratulations, Miss Potts. You're pregnant."

* * *

TBC

* * *

A/N: OH… MAN! Now THAT, was a RIDE. (takes a deep breath) Just IMAGINE Tony going through all THAT during 'Homecoming'. (shudders) And… Oh man…! What about Clint and his family…?!

Thoughts? Comments? PLEASE, let me hear from you!

Awkay, I MAY be able to publish something more today. BUT, for that I've gotta head off. Until next time! I REALLY hope that you'll enjoy the ride.

Take care!

* * *

 **Guest** : I'm VERY happy that you've enjoyed the tale thus far! (BEAMS) There'll be LOTS more Tony and Peter in the next chapter. Hope you'll like it!

Massive thank yous for the review!


	6. From Here to Infinity

A/N: Guess what, folks? It's time for the final chapter of this tale! OH, what a ride it's been. We'll see just how it ends…

THANK YOU, so, so much, for sticking around through this whole time! You guys have been AMAZING. (HUGS)

Awkay, because I don't have the heart to keep you waiting any longer… Let's go! I REALLY hope that you'll enjoy this conclusion.

(As to the title… My only defense? I just couldn't resist.) (grins)

( **BY THE WAY... TO ANYONE READING MY 'SOS' COLLECTION AS WELL... YES, IT HAS BEEN UPDATED YESTERDAY. BUT APPARENTLY THE ALERT HASN'T REACHED EVERYONE.** )

* * *

From Here to Infinity

* * *

Peter's latest brush with death was a bitter but necessary growing experience for both the teen and Tony. The teen received a good, valuable lesson on what he was ready for, and what he couldn't quite handle just yet. The adult got the first taste of what it was like to be responsible for a child, of all the good and the bad it entailed. Right on time, too.

Tony watched, with equal amounts of pride and heartbreak, how Peter admitted that he wasn't ready to be an Avenger and walked away from him. The billionaire let the kid go. Because it was one of the most important and painful lessons a parent had to learn.

Then he grabbed a ring, took Pepper's hand and realized that he'd have to grow up, too.

Revealing the pregnancy was out of the question when things were still so early and fragile. So, instead the man who'd always been terrified of commitment announced that he was engaged. And realized that he was finally truly, genuinely happy.

He just wished that his friends (because to him they were friends, still, always) could've been there to share the happy news with him.

* * *

Hours later, after a round of congratulations and far too many photographs, Pepper and Tony were finally alone. Dancing to quiet music, arms wrapped around each other and more content than ever in their lives. Somewhere around the second song Tony noticed something, and gave her a peck on the cheek. "You're smiling." She'd been doing far too little of that, since… Since…

Pepper smiled back and kissed his forehead, then his lips. "So are you. I was starting to worry that you'd forgotten how to."

"So was I", Tony admitted.

Or the losses and heartache… All the guilt, most of which would never disappear entirely… It came so very close to crushing him. But now… Now, it was time to move on. Start again. Keep fighting.

His hand brushed Pepper's still flat stomach without him even noticing.

Now he had more to fight for than ever in his life.

* * *

Everyone expected Tony Stark to demand a massive, expensive wedding. Because almost more than anything else he was a showman. And a lot of people seemed to expect him to get cold feet and cancel the whole thing. The public's shock was great when, instead, he and Pepper were wed in a tiny, intimate ceremony, with less than ten people as witnesses.

Really, what did a couple like the two of them need a big wedding for? They'd proven to themselves and each other that they were ready, that their relationship would survive _anything_. There was no need to make a statement to anyone else. And there was no need to wait because they'd already wasted enough time.

After two months of engagement Tony came to discover that promising to spend the rest of his life with Pepper was the easiest thing he'd ever done. Some hours later came one of the most terrifying things he'd ever done. When three people had wondered why Pepper had a sudden bout of nausea, the two of them shared a look. And decided that it was time.

"That sort of comes in the same package with the baby", Tony pointed out, not exactly managing to keep his tone light.

The people gathered around them stared. Wondered for a long moment if he was joking. Then exploded to a storm of loud congratulations. Tony basked in their affection, and felt the presence of those who couldn't be there from the bottom of his battered and bruised soul.

Some time later, after everyone else had left, he found out that Pepper experienced something similar. When they lifted glasses of orange juice neither had dry eyes. "To absent friends."

"To absent friends", Pepper echoed. Then arched an eyebrow. "So, husband… Do you want to stand here sulking all night? Or would you like to see what I hid under this dress?"

Tony smirked. The ache was still there, but instead of what was missing he focused on what he still had. It was more than he deserved, but he was going to hold on to it with tooth and nail. "You're full of great ideas, Mrs. Stark."

He wasn't worthy of this. But he'd try to be, for the rest of his life. He'd do whatever he could to make those watching him from the other side proud.

* * *

The first few months of the pregnancy were far from easy. Tony and Pepper were both sure that eventually something would go wrong, after all. That this baby, too, would become an angel.

It didn't make matters any easier that Pepper's morning sickness was horribly intense. The first two months she was so nauseous that eventually she needed hospital treatment. For one absolutely terrifying week Tony was absolutely sure that he'd lose both her and the child. Before they even got the chance to become a proper family.

But they made it past that hurdle, only to run right into another. Pepper was about four months along when she began to feel something… strange. Fluttering. Nearly enough to make her feel sick.

She most likely almost caused Tony a heart attack with a tear-filled phone call, begging him to take her to a hospital. Despite having been at an important meeting he was beside her in a flash. Seeming every bit as scared as she was. When he drove them to a hospital, she feared that his driving style might get all three of them killed.

Tony didn't let go of her hand while a gently smiling woman examined her. Even for a second. Like that hold would've been enough to keep both her and the baby from slipping through his fingers. She held on every bit as tightly, desperately.

Those minutes, no matter how brief, seemed to last a lifetime. Finally the woman smiled. "What you felt… It wasn't anything worrying. I'm guessing that you felt the baby moving around for the first time. Because the little one sure is active."

Shocked, and feeling more than a little foolish, the parents-to-be stared at the screen. On which the baby kicked around, as though testing the space. Then yawned gloriously and stretched.

Their baby. Alive. Safe and well. Their little…

"Wait a minute." Tony leaned closer, scientific curiosity mixing with paternal pride as he stared with tear-filled eyes. "There's no… Oh!" Pepper figured it out just as he did.

The woman examining her grinned. "That's right. It looks like you're about to have a little princess."

Pepper couldn't help it, hard as she tried. Not after everything they'd been through. She burst into tears of utter joy and relief, her racing heart singing in her chest.

Later, in the middle of downing about a gallon of ice-cream, Tony finally spoke out. She'd been expecting as much, because she'd sensed him chewing on something. "So… I've been thinking." He swallowed. "How do you feel about Hope Clara Stark?"

Pepper didn't ask. She knew who the second name honored. She replied with a kiss.

* * *

The following day Tony had to head to a mission. No matter how many times he promised to come back to both his girls, Pepper's eyes were still blurry from moisture when she raised them towards the sky. "That kid's named after you. So… Look out for him, will you? Make sure that he comes home to her."

She could've sworn that she felt Clint squeezing her shoulder comfortingly, and it actually managed to offer her a little bit of comfort.

* * *

When the Barton family's safehouse exploded Bree Daniels was asked a lot of questions. She was there to see it, after all. But no one, Ross included, suspected a thing.

She'd done a lot of bad things for Hydra. But that was without a doubt the worst. Yet she got away with it.

Or so she thought.

Exhausted from a long day, Bree groaned at how loudly her apartment's door closed. She kicked off her shoes, barely managing to not drop the groceries. Then froze at the feel of steel being placed against her neck.

"Did you really think that you can attack a mother and her children without consequences?" a sinister male voice, like that of the devil itself, hissed. The blade moved before she had the time to breathe. "Think again."

All she could do, for the rest of the minutes she was still alive, was scream.

* * *

Thaddeus Ross was a stubborn man. And a proud man. But after he received a suspicious package, even he was forced to admit that he needed help.

It took almost two weeks before he managed to track down the only person who might be able to help him. The heavy, warm Indian air made him sweat profusely while he made his way towards a tiny café. Pushing his way through the crowd was a challenge. Doing so without earning his target's attention was practically impossible. And predictably enough a pair of sharp, hostile eyes were on him when he sat down. "I was under the assumption that I've been cleared of all suspicion."

"You have been, for now", Ross admitted through his teeth. He was still looking for an excuse, of course. "I didn't come here for you, but for information." Stiffly, reluctantly, he searched his phone until he found a picture and showed it to his companion. It was of Bree Daniels' bloodied body. Of all the pieces of it. "I know that you have plenty of… contacts. Do you recognize this style?"

Natasha Romanoff stared at the photo for a few seconds, eyes alert as her mind whirred. She then wrinkled her nose and shifted her attention back to him. "Rumor has it that there's a new hitman in business." She met his eyes, a dangerous amount of understanding dawning. "So far he's focused mainly on Hydra-agents, though. I wonder what you did to piss him off."

Ross' jawline tightened. His phone also had another picture. One representing Clint Barton's family, along with words ' _for them_ '. "Name?"

Natasha set down the mug she'd been holding. "He's a lone wolf. I've heard that he calls himself Ronin." Her left eyebrow twitched threateningly. She rose gracefully and put on a pair of sunglasses. "Now, unless you actually have enough evidence to arrest me… You already ruined a good cup of coffee and now I'm done with you. Good luck trying to find him."

Ross gritted his teeth with a painful amount of force. Rage and terror danced in his mind, fighting over dominance. "How the hell do I catch this guy?"

"You won't", Natasha replied without a beat of hesitation. "If he wants to… he'll find you. So run." With those ominous words she disappeared to the crowd.

* * *

Tony was fresh out of the Avengers' latest mission and wanted nothing more than to embrace Pepper and get a good nap with her in his arms. Unfortunately such luxuries would have to wait. " _Sir? There is someone waiting in your office. He has something urgent he needs to talk about with you._ "

Tony groaned. And sounded far too much like a sulking five-year-old upon doing so. "Who is it?" He wasn't in the mood for this…!

" _Someone by the name Mr. Ronin. I must warn you. He appears to be armed. I lack the data to determine whether he's an enemy._ "

Tony scoffed. "Well, I'm armed, too. And I'm pissed off." He marched into the room, barely had enough self-restraint to not slam the door. "Mr. Ronin, I'm afraid you're wasting your time…" He trailed off.

For some reason the first thing he noticed was the boots. Then he paid attention to the long, visibly deadly sword. And finally, finally, he saw the face. The beyond familiar, impossible face.

Tony's eyes widened in what might've been comical manner under different circumstances. He swallowed thickly, and for a while forgot how to breathe. "Clint?"

The man's eyes were unfamiliar. Devoid of something, and full of new shadows, new ache. But Clint was still recognizable. Barely. The man's jawline tightened from strain and tension. "This isn't a social call." The former assassin's voice was far more gruff than in the past. "According to my sources there's a massive spaceship floating above Earth. I figured it was time to come back from the dead."

* * *

 ** _End_**

* * *

A/N: WHAT? Of course he didn't die! Renner's in 'Infinity War'. (grins) Awww, Tony and Pepper are gonna have a baby girl! Assuming that Thanos doesn't wreck everything…

SOOOO… Thus ends our tale. Not a full closure, but it felt like the right place to leave things when a different kind of a story is beginning. I may write a sequel to this one day, revealing the fate of Clint's family (sorry about not revealing it here, but this was a story of Tony's family and adding more about Clint's family would've taken away from THAT) and exploring the time after 'Infinity Wars'.

PLEASE, do let me know how you felt about this final chapter AND the whole story! THANK YOU, from the bottom of my heart, for sticking around through this ride. It's been AWESOME to type to you! (HUGS)

Who knows, maybe I'll see ya again. For now…

Take care!


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